Danielle Ofri: Singular Intimacies
Selected Excerpts
“I wrenched the needle from the skin, re-aiming and firing again. Who are you, I screamed mutely at the legs in front of me. Why are you forcing me to stab this needle in? You are already comatose and dead - leave me alone. Why are you keeping me from Josh? I slammed the needle for the tenth and eleventh times, tears dripping into my sterile field.
My hair had slipped out from its band. Hot sticky tufts clumped on my neck, choking off the air. Brown iodine was splotched all over the front of my coat. Please, God, rescue me. Kill this man who is torturing me. Kill this man and let me go. Kill this man who is already dead and give me back my Joshua, who is supposed to be alive.
I stabbed and stabbed at the unyielding flesh, praying for the appearance of blood. A medical student walked by the door. “I need some help over here,” I called out weakly. “Please get my resident in 16-West.” When the student left the room, I gored the needle downard, not caring where it landed or what it destroyed. Blood suddenly flooded into my syringe. The heavy crimson of venous blood surged upward, heaving into the barrel of the syringe under the force of that still-clinging heart. The sight of blood, far from being nauseating as it might have been earlier in my life, was my very salvation. The dusky scarlet was a relief to my eyes, the palpable viscosity a balm to my fingers that were gripping the syringe. The muscles of my arms and my legs and my shoulders unclenched themselves as the blood poured forth. Oh God, thank you for this blood. The blood that is my deliverance.” (p. 105)
Discussion Questions
During her internship, one of Dr Ofri’s best friends dies. What stands out to you in the story about how she tries to cope while continuing to work? How do you think you would respond in this situation?
In this chat we’ve discussed a few of the many challenges that can arise during internship. What advice would you offer to a new intern? That new intern might be your future self, past self, your own doctor, or a loved one.
Reflections from #MedHumChat
“I don't think I'd be able to mentally function if I went through a friend/relative's death intern year. Trying to set "appropriate" emotional boundaries is not realistic when it's someone you know as a beloved person rather than a patient”—@DrJenChen4kids
[In response to @DrJenChen4kids:] “I agree. It makes me wonder: is it possible for us to be empathic towards others when we do not have the capacity to take on another's suffering? What should we do if this happens?”—@WillBynumMD
“There's no other scenario that highlights better the fact that HCPs are not machines just doing a job. We do work that has to do with all the deep things of life, so when we are hit w the depths personally, it's impossible to separate. Some1 close to me attmptd suicide the weekend b4 my interview 4 my current job - my 1st, + my dream, RN position. In some ways that crisis fueled my passion in my interview for wanting to be a RN but looking back I was way distracted finishing my preceptorship”—@alinasato
“Show yourself some compassion. Give yourself some credit. You're probably doing better than you think. You definitely know more than you think. Make time to do nice things for yourself. Make sure you have someone to talk to about all of this. You can do this. Also listen to your patients and never ever piss off the nurses.”—@DianaCejasMD
“Find your support team and hold onto them fiercely. Take care of yourself as best you can. Take a moment every day to breathe and remember why you chose this career. Never be afraid to say "I'm sorry" and "I don't know, and I'll find out". When you are worried, speak up to whomever can help with a solution. If you need someone who doesn't have a dog in the fight 1st, DM me. I am serious. I want each and every new intern to succeed because this is the best career and you are the best for it. “—@BeccaOm15
About this #MedHumChat
Singular Intimacies was paired with The Real Doctor Will See You Shortly, a book by Dr. Matt McCarthy for a #MedHumChat discussion on May 15, 2019 exploring the Internship Experience.
We were honored to be joined by special guests Dr. Matt McCarthy, MD (@DrMattMcCarthy) and Dr. William Bynum, MD (@WillBynumMD) for this #MedHumChat. Dr. McCarthy is an author and assistant professor of medicine at Weill Cornell as well as a staff physician at New York-Presbyterian Hospital. Dr. Bynum is an associate program director of the Duke Family Medicine Residency Program with a research focus on how medical learners and providers experience the emotion of shame.
The pieces for this chat, along with the discussion questions, were selected by Colleen Farrell.
About the Author
Dr. Danielle Ofri, MD (@danielleofri) is a writer, physician at Bellevue Hospital, and faculty member at NYU School of Medicine. In addition to writing a collection of books about the world of medicine, she is the co-founder and Editor-in-Chief at the Bellevue Literary Review, the first literary journal to arise from a medical setting. You can learn more about her here.