Diana Cejas: Meat Slurry and My Particular Brand Of Optimism
Selected Excerpts
“The commercials were the worst. You never notice how many there are until you're made NPO. I stared up at the television, stroked out and glassy-eyed, and marveled at it all. The way milk splashes into a cereal bowl and scatters colorful oat rings. Golden, gleaming rotisserie chickens paired with mounds of creamy mashed potatoes—each topped by pools of velvety gravy. Cheesy pizzas laden with spicy pepperoni, juicy burgers with crisp bacon and ripe tomatoes, ice creams and milkshakes, and chocolate everything called to me through the screen...”
““We're going to advance your diet,” my speech therapist said after I'd failed the first and then passed the second swallow study. As my body got a little better, I gained different foods back. Cups of sticky, metallic-tasting puddings were followed by powdered eggs and hospital macaroni and cheese. We toasted my ability to climb 5 stairs with nectar-thickened fruit punch. I slowly, carefully ate half of a plate of overcooked noodles and chunky marinara sauce after I regained the ability to raise my left thumb. It wasn't enough. I'd gone from an active, athletic, independent young woman to an emaciated, defeated, discouraged girl in less than 6 months. I wanted my life back. I wanted gumbo back.”
“One day, 2 bites into my artificially flavored apple cinnamon oatmeal, my speech therapist excused herself to check another stroke patient's breakfast. I asked what they were having and she pulled a face. “Well. It's beef broth and thickener. Sometimes we put a little pureed meat in it. Then you mix it all up and make a slurry out of it.” I must have looked horrified. “It's good,” she said unconvincingly.”
Discussion Questions
The essay tells the story of Dr Cejas’ illness and recovery through her relationship with food. How does the focus on food help us understand her experience?
In Dr Cejas’ essay, a basic bodily function — eating — is not only constrained by her new disability, but controlled by her medical team. How is this control expressed in the essay? How does it relate to your experience in healthcare?
Reflections from #MedHumChat
“I literally cried when I could swallow rice again. But rice and all of these foods are so closely associated with happy memories, my family, and my culture that gaining them back felt like gaining back everything.” —@DianaCejasMD
“There's nothing like illness to remind us the value of the things we take for granted, the simple things. During my hospitalization I too experienced the wonder & horror of eating foods you never thought you'd see in puree form. ” —@allison_tandem
““It's safer that way.” Regardless of logic, everything we do is for that elusive goal of improving safety. But it's a fever dream (a "flavor dream"?) of medicine to think that everything we control, our "special sauce", actually improves care, except inconvenience.” —@amarkelkar
“Food is often tied to identity, too, and going through intense medical things that radically alter us can lead to a sort of disconnect/identity crisis with “past me” vs “now me.” Getting back to familiar foods is comforting because it can symbolize that things will be ok.” —@kaillem44
About this #MedHumChat
“Meat Slurry and My Particular Brand Of Optimism” was paired with “the benediction of Our Lady of Hyperglycemia,” a poem by Dr. Irène Mathieu for a #MedHumChat discussion January 30, 2019 exploring The Messy Relationship between Food and Medicine.
We were honored to be joined by special guests Dr. Irène Mathieu, MD (@gumbo_amando) and Dr. Diana Cejas, MD (@DianaCejasMD) for this #MedHumChat. Dr. Mathieu is a pediatrician, writer, and public health researcher with a focus on community-engaged research, trauma and resilience, and health equity.
The pieces for this chat, along with the discussion questions, were selected by Colleen Farrell.
About the Author
Dr. Diana Cejas, MD (@DianaCejasMD) is a child neurologist and Assistant Professor at the University of North Carolina with an interest in medical education and improving health outcomes.