Andrew Solomon: Depression Is a Thing With Feathers
Selected Excerpts
"Once you have been depressed, and particularly once you have allowed medication to reshape your mental states, you need to understand who you are at the most fundamental level. You need to sort out the chemical facts of depression from the experiential; you need to gain insight into the patterns that depressive tendencies doubtless forged in your earlier life. You need to examine the relationship between love and depression in your own experience. You need to make sense of the idea that you are on medication and determine whether the medication has made you more truly yourself or has shifted you into being someone else. You need to know what grief is all about, where it is lodged in you, and how it overlaps with depression as an illness."
"You don’t think in depression that you’ve put on a gray veil and are seeing the world through the haze of a bad mood. You think that the veil has been taken away, the veil of happiness, and that now you’re seeing truly. You try to pin the truth down and take it apart. And you think that truth is a fixed thing. But the truth is alive, and it runs around. You can exorcise the demons of schizophrenics who perceive that there’s something foreign inside them. But it’s much harder with depressed people, because we believe we are seeing the truth. But the truth lies."
“I discovered when I was depressed the extent to which an emotion can take you over and define everything around you and become more real and more acute than reality. That knowledge has allowed me also to experience positive emotion in a more intense and focused way, and with a greater sense of its overwhelming power. I have a sense of joy every day that I wake up and am not depressed, because I know how awful it was... I think that what I have learned from all of it is that the very vitality that the depression at one point robbed me of has returned newly strong and has caused me to live more richly. That may be a delusion that I have talked myself into. But if it is, it has been a very productive illusion for me.”
Discussion Questions
Solomon describes how taking antidepressants required him to reflect on his identity and sense of self. How do you interpret his struggle? Does it resonate with you?
He explores the subjectivity of truth, asking whether depression reveals the truth or masks it. What stands out to you in his description? Can you relate to this question?
He also describes how depression has made him appreciate his own resilience, and deeply value the time he spends feeling happy. Can you think of other lessons that can be learned from the experience of depression?
What lessons can we take from Solomon’s essay to better support those experiencing depression?
Reflections from #MedHumChat
“I think this is central struggle in depression (and, anxiety). Is this illness *me*. Or is it *other*. Many of my patients worry that taking SSRIs will make them numb, that it will change their personality.” —@PoojaLakshmin
“There is no single truth to mask or reveal, and so I think depression acts as a filter, causing the darker hopeless truths to be in focus and the brighter hopeful truths to be out of focus.” —@LanceShaver
“I think there's tremendous power in feeling intensely—period. Whatever that feeling is, be it elation or sorrow. It stretches emotional muscles, reminds us we're alive...and feeling now becomes an important memory for later, even if it's an unpleasant one.” —@MargotHedlin
“No one truly knows what it is like to walk in another’s shoes but by being kind and listening without judgement, we may be able to create a safe space.” —@mdbdesai
About this #MedHumChat
“Depression is a Thing with Feathers” was paired with “Celestina,” a painting by Pablo Picasso, for a #MedHumChat discussion May 22, 2019 exploring Depression: Identity & Worldview.
The pieces for this chat, along with the discussion questions, were selected by Margot Hedlin.
About the Author
Andrew Solomon is an author, lecturer, and activist with an interest in LGBT rights, mental health, and the arts. You can learn more about him here.