Peggy Duffy: On the Eve of My Mother's Dying
Selected Excerpt
“What hospice people do is coordinate. They coordinate my mother’s move from the hospital where she was taken unresponsive to the assisted living facility where she remains unresponsive. They coordinate the ambulance personnel who transfer her from the stretcher to the hospital bed whose rental and delivery they have also coordinated. They coordinate the schedule for the weekend nurse who checks her vitals and predicts it will just be a couple more days. In hospice language, my mother is actively dying, and they strive to coordinate that too.”
Discussion Questions
What images stand out to you in this piece?
Does Duffy’s description of hospice providers as “coordinators” resonate with you? Why or why not?
What challenges have you faced as a medical provider or loved one in addressing end-of-life care?
Reflections from #MedHumChat
“I can't stop thinking about "deep, gut-wrenching, body-wracking sobs." The level of sadness that phrase describes is something that I can not only visualize but I can hear and feel.” —@pskantesaria
“At this stage, often families are overwhelmed (“I can’t work, can’t think, can’t sleep”) and unable to address the practical issues, the coordination. There is a gift in releasing the family of these practicalities, though it may sometimes be perceived as distant.” —@marypanwriter
"What stood out most to me was "I can't work, can't think, can't sleep" as it echoes what I have been feeling about COVID-19. I've been wondering why it's reminiscent of how I feel now? Is it just a preoccupation common to a life in chaos?” —@LanceShaver
“Her husband wondering how she can survive without water. Human nature wants us to provide basic needs for our loved ones and sometimes medical comfort care seems directly contradictory to our basic human comforts, particularly food and water.” —@CarlySokach
“The hardest part always feels like striking the right balance between directness/clear communication and compassionate care. I don't want to shield someone from a hard truth, but I don't want to hit them over the head with it either.” —@amarkelkar
About this #MedHumChat
“On the Eve of My Mother’s Dying” was paired with “Brilliance” by Mark Doty for a #MedHumChat discussion on March 18, 2020 exploring End of Life.
The pieces for this chat as well as the accompanying discussion questions were curated by Mary Pan (@marypanwriter).
About the Author
Peggy Duffy is an author and realtor whose work has appeared in numerous publications including Newsweek and The Washington Post.